The Conservative Case for Pedophilia

By Michael Falsch-Weissmann, Breitbart Contributor

(I came across this article recently, I figured it was subversive and ludicrous enough to include in its entirety rather than simply link it and give my opinion on it - Alex S.)

America is a great nation, founded on our shared Judeo-christian ideals and woven of a tapestry of many different cultures and creeds. We share that common bond among ourselves, even though the odds may sometimes appear slightly stacked against a white man such as myself, we persevere and overcome those challenges and we become a stronger multi-ethnic global power all the better for it.

Unfortunately, there are some areas where we conservatives continue to fall short. Certainly, we have made great progress in extending our tolerance and understanding to our gay and transgender citizens; fellow conservatives like Dave Rubin and Kaitlyn Jenner are held up as icons of conservatism by our side, and rightly so! They embody the spirit of what conservatism truly means by standing up to the harassment and abuse from the intolerant left on a regular basis. As a conservative white male, I am proud to call people like Dave Rubin, Kaitlyn Jenner, Candace Owens, and so many other powerful voices allies in our work to promote a compassionate and tolerant conservatism among the people of America.

However, we still hold a very low opinion of one segment of our population, perhaps the most historically vilified group of them all: those whose only crime is loving another regardless of their age – people who less tolerant conservatives might deem pedophiles or sexual deviants, but I am proud to call them their preferred term of “Minor Attracted Persons”, or MAPs for short – many of whom I have known and been friends with, who are just as stalwart conservatives as many of my readers.

Age is nothing but a number, and in times past the age of consent was much lower, often due to our shorter life spans at the time. As a result, there is already historical precedent for marriage and sexual activity between teenagers and much older partners. We can return to these historical norms without having to sacrifice what it means to be a conservative, in reality we would just be reclaiming tradition. Yes, believe it or not, inter-generational relationships, the kind that MAPs would like to freely participate in, is a traditional value!   

But Michael, I hear my reader say to themselves, those were different times, and what about the potential harm to a child in such a relationship? Aren’t such relationships exploitative by their nature?

Nonsense! We are the same human beings today that we were a thousand years ago: Black, Red, Brown, or white, we all shed the same red blood our ancestors did. Additionally, most of the science that states such relationships are harmful were conducted decades ago in a more biased time, alongside other similar studies that claimed interracial marriages would harm the children that resulted – and we all know how backwards and unfortunate that sort of thinking is, that’s the sort of thinking promoted by racist Nazis in the Democrat Party, not the sort of thing we conservatives should aspire to.

I know, this will be a tough adjustment, but I have faith in my fellow conservatives that we will one day learn to accept and even love our MAP brothers and sisters in this struggle to promote our conservative ideals nationwide. Should we shun those least among us, the most vilified group remaining in America, and treat them like sub-humans, the way the Democrats of old used to treat our fellow Black Americans?

No, we must be better than that - and we can!

I know some of you readers, being Christians, will balk at this suggestion on religious grounds, and I get that. But I can tell you, as a Jewish white male, if you love me and my people, you must extend that same love to MAPs as well.

Many of my people have been wrongly accused of sexual activity with minors in recent years, such as Jeffrey Epstein and Ghislaine Maxwell, and most recently, Eliot Culter a former gubernatorial candidate in Maine. But even if these charges were accurate (and they are not) then if we work to remove the stigma, we can remove the likelihood of blackmail being used to control our fellow conservative politicians and thought leaders.

I want to conclude by encouraging my readers to ponder this for a good amount of time, again, I know it won’t be easy to accept – I myself struggled with it for years until I saw the accusation erroneously levied against my own people so often. But much as we now openly and proudly accept our LGBT conservatives in our movement, we must work to welcome MAPs as well.

(... And by the way, April Fools! This was not a real article, but we all know this sort of argument is coming very soon, so be prepared for it – Alex S.)